Arthur Crimmidge of the 'Stupid-Bastard-Not-Wearing-An-Invisible-Cloak Incident'

by Mark Pierro

Arthur Crimmidge Not Wearing Invisibility Cloak (right)

Wonderful news today due to the discovery of the only known photograph of Mr Arthur Crimmidge of 74 Toxteth Street, Abinger, East Berkshire. (Above Right) The photograph was found by Mrs N. Wheatley of East Retford in the United Kingdom.

Crimmidge was best known for the 1917 'Stupid-Bastard-not-wearing-an-invisible cloak incident' in which he, having received an invisible cloak, went on a thieving spree in and around the village of Bagshot, robbing shops, banks, the butcher and his Auntie Margaret's window cleaning van that she had left outside the very first Dimplex Wall Heater warehouse.

Mrs Gwyneth Scivey 1947-2013 of the Porridge Hill Laundrette Heist

By Mark Pierro

Scivey As Trotskyite

Famous for the 1972 Porridge Hill laudrette Heist in which, while attempting to rob Edgar Blackett's Laundrette of all its cash and washing powder, Scivey's gang actually lifted the entire laundrette off its foundations and transported it 27 miles to their hideout in Newcastle-Under-Lyme.

Scivey was distraught at the operation but nevertheless accepted full responsibility for its failure due to her hiring The notorious 'Bollocks Brigade,' a gang of itinerant Albanian Trotskyite communists whose English was so bad that they thought they were giving themselves a fearsome gang title.

Whilst not inherently stupid the gang remarkably all suffered, to a greater or lesser extent, from autism thus interpreting her instructions to 'lift the laundrette' literally.