The Thick Trevithicks

Griffith, Gareth, Gwyneth with Mrs Thelma and Mr Thaddeus Trevithick
By Mark Pierro

Today marks the 100th anniversary of the end of the trial known as The Trevithick Three.

The Trevithick Three were members of an infamous family of bank robbers who terrorised The North of England at the turn of the 20th Century. With a combined weight of 3433 lbs they were included in the Guinness book of records as the heaviest bank robbers of all time. Although all  five of the family participated in the raid only three of them were caught and tried.

The case against the father and mother, Thaddeus Trevithick and Thelma Trescothick from Thetford in Norfolk, where thrown out half way through the trial as it became clear to the presiding judge Mr Justice Thoroughgood, that they were quite possibly the most stupid parents he had ever encountered in his 35 year career and ordered them to attend a local infants school as pupils.

Arthur Crimmidge of the 'Stupid-Bastard-Not-Wearing-An-Invisible-Cloak Incident'

by Mark Pierro

Arthur Crimmidge Not Wearing Invisibility Cloak (right)
Wonderful news today due to the discovery of the only known photograph of Mr Arthur Crimmidge of 74 Toxteth Street, Abinger, East Berkshire. (Above Right) The photograph was found by Mrs N. Wheatley of East Retford in the United Kingdom.

Crimmidge was best known for the 1917 'Stupid-Bastard-not-wearing-an-invisible cloak incident' in which 
he, having received an invisible cloak, went on a thieving spree in and around the village of Bagshot, robbing shops, banks, the butcher and his Auntie Margaret's window cleaning van that she had left outside the very first Dimplex Wall Heater warehouse.

The Dairy of Mr Frank Anne:

By Desmond Gin-Sodden
Frank Anne in front of a Front Door

Today marks the 32nd anniversary of the freedom of Mr Frank Anne in 1981. 

Frank Anne was the first of his kind in the 1930s as a New Age Dairy Consultant. Not withstanding the fact that nobody had even heard of the expression 'New Age' at that time, Frank Anne proceeded to establish his own dairy in Bedrijventerrein an almost unpronounceable district of Amsterdam. 

The dairy met with mixed results partly because nobody knew what a New Age dairy did, partly because only six people on the planet were able to pronounce 'Bedrijventerrein,' partly because he was an idiot but predominantly because he had neglected to install a front door to his dairy leaving customers to shin up the wall and in via the back window.

On the 17th November 1939 Frank Anne went on the run from the local Jewish community after mistaking a Mrs Hilda Van Goldstein of 74 Hoogstraaten Weg, Utrecht  for an escaped cow. He was particularly peeved by this as it had happened during his 35th birthday luncheon. 

Mr Arthur Hackett: 1913-1988 Editor 'Fun with Grit' Magazine

Carl Brando & Mark Pierro

Arthur Hackett: 
Today marks the 25th anniversary of the death of Arthur Hackett, Editor and founder of 'Fun with Grit' Magazine. 

Starting out as a Boy Scout magazine in 1934 it's focus was, amongst other things, outdoor activities, gender adjustment strategies and cat strangling. Hackett based the magazine on a fictitious character quasi-super hero named Heston Grit who frequently solved everyday children's  problems such as how to build a camp fire, how to keep warm in a public latrine and also how to dodge blows from violent and drunken parents whilst on summer holidays in Rhyll, the Lake District and/or Weston-Super-Mare. 

Mrs Gwyneth Scivey 1947-2013 of the Porridge Hill Laundrette Heist

By Mark Pierro

Scivey As Trotskyite
Famous for the 1972 Porridge Hill laudrette Heist in which, while attempting to rob Edgar Blackett's Laundrette of all its cash and washing powder, Scivey's gang actually lifted the entire laundrette off its foundations and transported it 27 miles to their hideout in Newcastle-Under-Lyme.

Scivey was distraught at the operation but nevertheless accepted full responsibility for its failure due to her hiring The notorious 'Bollocks Brigade,' a gang of itinerant Albanian Trotskyite communists whose English was so bad that they thought they were giving themselves a fearsome gang title.

Whilst not inherently stupid the gang remarkably all suffered, to a greater or lesser extent, from autism thus interpreting her instructions to 'lift the laundrette' literally.

Mrs Blanche Spittock: 1899-2013 Campaigner for Quality Writing in 'The Waltons.'

By Mark Pierro

Blanche Spittock and Dead Brother
20 minutes before his Death
Mrs Blanche Spittock of 75 Clacton Street, Weston-Super-Mare, UK.

Born in 1899 to Cyril Spittock and Mavis Allerdice of West Riding in East Berkshire. Blanche Spittock was noted for her various tastes in Artisan bread making she was nevertheless ill-suited to the role of Master Baker as she kept confusing her bread making equipment for her underwear.

This was all very well until she attended the Clacton Street 2001 Mid-summer ball wearing her most elegant of ball-gowns and seventeen Hovis tins smothered in butter. Most of the attendees were OK with this but the heat of the mid-summer eve combined with the melting butter, resulted in her attracting a swarm of killer hornets that had escaped from the Home of Cyril Crapshaw of 48 Watlington Street.