Mrs Gwyneth Scivey 1947-2013 of the Porridge Hill Laundrette Heist

By Mark Pierro

Scivey As Trotskyite

Famous for the 1972 Porridge Hill laudrette Heist in which, while attempting to rob Edgar Blackett's Laundrette of all its cash and washing powder, Scivey's gang actually lifted the entire laundrette off its foundations and transported it 27 miles to their hideout in Newcastle-Under-Lyme.

Scivey was distraught at the operation but nevertheless accepted full responsibility for its failure due to her hiring The notorious 'Bollocks Brigade,' a gang of itinerant Albanian Trotskyite communists whose English was so bad that they thought they were giving themselves a fearsome gang title.

Whilst not inherently stupid the gang remarkably all suffered, to a greater or lesser extent, from autism thus interpreting her instructions to 'lift the laundrette' literally.


The notable thing about the entire episode was the fact that it happened in broad daylight on a Saturday afternoon. The local inhabitants of Porridge Hill simply couldn't comprehend the fact that their laundrette was being stolen in such obvious circumstances that they attributed the events to the local Borough Council doing some maintenance work on the high street.

Even Edgar Blackett was unaware of the goings on and assumed that from his point of view, sitting inside the laundry that the local council were in fact taking away Porridge Hill high street and replacing it with the one  in Newcastle-Under-Lyme. The only reason Gwyneth Scivey was rumbled was because Mrs Edgar Blackett arrived at the laundry, three hours after it had been removed, to say the words 'By eck some bastard's stolen me laundry!' 

Scivey is survived by her two children Derek and Cynthia

Gwyneth Scivey, born April 17th 1947, Died October 2nd 2013