The Dairy of Mr Frank Anne:

By Desmond Gin-Sodden

Frank Anne in front of a Front Door

Today marks the 32nd anniversary of the freedom of Mr Frank Anne in 1981. 

Frank Anne was the first of his kind in the 1930s as a New Age Dairy Consultant. Not withstanding the fact that nobody had even heard of the expression 'New Age' at that time, Frank Anne proceeded to establish his own dairy in Bedrijventerrein an almost unpronounceable district of Amsterdam. 

The dairy met with mixed results partly because nobody knew what a New Age dairy did, partly because only six people on the planet were able to pronounce 'Bedrijventerrein,' partly because he was an idiot but predominantly because he had neglected to install a front door to his dairy leaving customers to shin up the wall and in via the back window.

On the 17th November 1939 Frank Anne went on the run from the local Jewish community after mistaking a Mrs Hilda Van Goldstein of 74 Hoogstraaten Weg, Utrecht  for an escaped cow. He was particularly peeved by this as it had happened during his 35th birthday luncheon. 

Mr Arthur Hackett: 1913-1988 Editor 'Fun with Grit' Magazine

Carl Brando & Mark Pierro

Arthur Hackett: 

Today marks the 25th anniversary of the death of Arthur Hackett, Editor and founder of 'Fun with Grit' Magazine. 

Starting out as a Boy Scout magazine in 1934 it's focus was, amongst other things, outdoor activities, gender adjustment strategies and cat strangling. Hackett based the magazine on a fictitious character quasi-super hero named Heston Grit who frequently solved everyday children's  problems such as how to build a camp fire, how to keep warm in a public latrine and also how to dodge blows from violent and drunken parents whilst on summer holidays in Rhyll, the Lake District and/or Weston-Super-Mare. 

Mrs Gwyneth Scivey 1947-2013 of the Porridge Hill Laundrette Heist

By Mark Pierro

Scivey As Trotskyite

Famous for the 1972 Porridge Hill laudrette Heist in which, while attempting to rob Edgar Blackett's Laundrette of all its cash and washing powder, Scivey's gang actually lifted the entire laundrette off its foundations and transported it 27 miles to their hideout in Newcastle-Under-Lyme.

Scivey was distraught at the operation but nevertheless accepted full responsibility for its failure due to her hiring The notorious 'Bollocks Brigade,' a gang of itinerant Albanian Trotskyite communists whose English was so bad that they thought they were giving themselves a fearsome gang title.

Whilst not inherently stupid the gang remarkably all suffered, to a greater or lesser extent, from autism thus interpreting her instructions to 'lift the laundrette' literally.

Mrs Blanche Spittock: 1899-2013 Campaigner for Quality Writing in 'The Waltons.'

By Mark Pierro

Blanche Spittock and Dead Brother
20 minutes before his Death

Mrs Blanche Spittock of 75 Clacton Street, Weston-Super-Mare, UK.

Born in 1899 to Cyril Spittock and Mavis Allerdice of West Riding in East Berkshire. Blanche Spittock was noted for her various tastes in Artisan bread making she was nevertheless ill-suited to the role of Master Baker as she kept confusing her bread making equipment for her underwear.

This was all very well until she attended the Clacton Street 2001 Mid-summer ball wearing her most elegant of ball-gowns and seventeen Hovis tins smothered in butter. Most of the attendees were OK with this but the heat of the mid-summer eve combined with the melting butter, resulted in her attracting a swarm of killer hornets that had escaped from the Home of Cyril Crapshaw of 48 Watlington Street.